So ever since Sarah and I decided that we want to have children and have put a timeframe on when we’re going to start trying, it has really rocked my world. I suppose I don’t know the half of it and that once we actually have a child it will rock it even more, but the thought of being responsible for raising this little person has made me take a good long look at my life. I’ve been very reflective lately as I roll over things in my mind…
- Am I a strong enough Spiritual leader to handle this addition to our family?
- Am I active enough in church to be a good example for a child?
- Am I too active so as to keep me from spending quality time with the child?
- Do I spend too much time on me?
I’ve heard people say that having a baby makes you realize how selfish you truly are. I’m not a father yet but I’m already seeing how that’s true. I’m already beginning to see the things that I will have to (and am completely willing to) give up for this child. Will I miss being able to get up on Saturday morning and bum around, eating breakfast around 10:30 or 11? Maybe…but I think instead I will cherish those moments of letting Sarah sleep in and just having one-on-one time with our children. I’m looking forward to the adventure that is fatherhood more then I ever thought I would but it scares me to death at the same time. I suppose that’s healthy…
For now I continue to wrestle with my flesh and laziness and push toward developing and maintaining habits that will help me be a good father and remain close to The Father. Only with Him can I truly be the parent I need to be.
Enjoyed the thoughts. I often ask myself similar questions when I think of what it would be like to have a family. I then use the difficult side of it to convince myself that I should enjoy being single. But the truth is, the joy of having others to love has got to ginormously outweigh the painful but beneficial loss of self. I think the fact that you are asking those questions already makes you a good dad.
ReplyDeleteI second Eileen! You are going to be a wonderful father, and Sarah, a wonderful mother. Jaxson woke up at 5:15 yesterday morning. He had received a shot at the doctors the day before and it was bugging him. As I rocked him in him room, I was grateful to be holding him and thankful that he needed me. This is me Ben, the guys who jacked a guy against the wall and tore his shirt in college because he woke me up. You on the other hand. Mr. "get out of bed before my almost silent PDA makes a slight peep," you'll do just fine. :-)
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